Mambo No. 5 (The Fifth One 💌)
layoff talk, a cookbook, some jeans, colostrum, my hot water bottle addiction, some toast
Hello, you army of beautiful freaks.
Once again, I’m having to start this issue off with “It’s been a minute.” I talked about this a little bit in my last newsletter, but three months ago, I was laid off from my day job in tech. It’s been disorienting, harrowing, and something I have never experienced before. I’ve been unable to focus on anything other than trying to get a new job– every additional use of my energy feels like a waste of time. And while I’ve tried hard to fight against that notion, doing so is exhausting. I’m more burnt out now, as a free agent in this hellscape of a job market, than I was working in an industry that’s notorious for burnout. You have to laugh! (I’m not laughing. I’m crying, a lot.)
I miss connecting with people, I miss feeling like I have a purpose, I miss having any semblance of security or a routine. But most of all, I miss not paying $700 a month for healthcare (shoutout to COBRA, nasty). More importantly though, I’m grateful for the people closest to me for extending grace and empathy by the truckload. Without them, I’d certainly be buried. Even though I’m still searching for what’s next, I’m finally emerging from the fog, and feeling a little more comfortable offering everything up to the universe instead of spending each waking moment trying to control how this pans out
I’m finally in a place of understanding: this isn’t about me, it isn’t about my skills, my worth, my abilities. It’s about broken systems so much larger than the thousands of people within them, let alone one tiny lady and her mason jar full of chlorophyll water. If you’re in the same boat, I’m so sorry and I see you, truly. If you’ve previously been in the same boat, I’m sorry I didn’t understand how exhausting and demoralizing it can be while you were going through it. I’m sorry if I looked away. May we all find more empathy for those going through things we never think we will. Because even if you end up being right, it will only make the world a softer and gentler place.
me after being vulnerable just now and you after reading that
Ok, ew. Now that that’s over, back to STUFF, the real purpose of this newsletter. I want to talk about a few of the things that have gotten me through the last few months.
#1: HOT WATER BOTTLE
I am slowly turning those closest to me into members of the HWB cult. Gavin sleeps with one now. Blodgett got one. And then she got one for her sister. I will never tire of the well-intentioned “Oh, do-you-not-feel-wells?” So naïve. So precious. So nice of them to ask, and so nice of them to give me a perfect opportunity for my pitch.
The truth is, I have a hot water bottle on my body for roughly 65-70% of each day and night, and it’s been this way for years. It’s so comforting. You do not need to have cramps or a tummy ache to bask in the luxury of being a toasty girl. You need no excuse other than wanting the best for yourself. It also has the effect of a weighted blanket, so I find it extra calming. I now bring it to friends’ houses when we have a hangout planned– everyone close to me knows about my addiction. If my hot water bottle had thumbs and one brain cell, she’d be in the group chat. Just try it.
Something unhinged I do is bring my empty hot water bottle with me when I have to fly, then ask the people at Dunkin’ for a giant cup of hot water, and pour it into the empty vessel right before boarding. It has helped me immensely with my flight anxiety (and also plane bloat). I’m not sure if I’m sous viding my organs with all of this heat, but I’m trying not to think about it.
#2: ARMRA (POWDERED COLOSTRUM)
I’m sure if you’re a capital G Girlie you’ve been seeing ads for this everywhere. I’m here to say: Unfortunately, I Really Like It and Think It Works. I found Armra before they were severely advertising about a year ago, after I was dealing with some very sexy and not at all upsetting post-covid hair loss. A few people on Reddit (scientists, I’m sure) said that colostrum had helped them, but I couldn’t pull the trigger– it just felt too weird.
If you are a person who has more of a life than I do, let me fill you in. Colostrum is the first form of breastmilk that comes out of a mammal after it gives birth; you very likely had it as your first meal. Thank you, boobs! It’s full of nutrients and antibodies that newborns need; it’s definitely great for babies! Right now, it’s also a very trendy supplement that people use for hair growth, gut health, immune strength, and more. The kind you can buy, though, is from cows. And there’s not a TON of studies supporting its purported benefits that aren’t backed by supplement companies.
I’ve been taking it consistently for about six months, and the biggest thing I’ve noticed is that I have not gotten sick. Gavin, who works at a university (teens! school! germs! hi!) has had three bad colds in the last four months. I didn’t catch any of them. I usually get sick so easily! When he’s under the weather, I double my servings (two stick packs instead of one), which is actually great because the vine watermelon flavor tastes like a Jolly Rancher. My hairdresser also mentioned that my hair feels really thick again, and I haven’t broken out in months. I can’t 100% attribute these things to the colostrum, obviously, but it’s the one thing I’ve changed (besides no longer working lmao).
One word of caution: do not get the blood orange flavor. It gets really clumpy!
#3: RICOTTA & LEEK TOAST
Ah, the humble leek. The ugly stepsister of the shallot. Whatever the opposite of a golden boy (garlic) is, leeks are. So often overlooked! I’m begging you - stop the madness and buy some leeks. You will then make this toast and not remember your life before them.
I first made this back in 2020 within the first month of quarantine. I think we had leftover leeks from making a pot pie, and had run out of avocados, so I couldn’t have my usual breakfast (🥑 toast, duh). It was just meant to be a Frankenstein meal before the next batch of groceries was delivered (and sanitized on our counter). It’s jammy and buttery and crunchy and simple; the ricotta counters the leeks really well. Most importantly, it’s a textural dream.
Here’s what you’ll need:
One or two slices of sourdough, the bigger the better
2-3 leeks, upper green leaves discarded
1-2 tbs butter
Olive oil
Ricotta cheese
Salt & Pepper
& Here’s What You’ll Do:
Thinly slice your leeks. Throw them into a pan on medium-high heat with your butter, s&p to taste, & a little glug of olive oil.
Stir constantly, until they begin to caramelize and get jammy. This, for me, usually takes about 12-15 minutes. When you notice the consistency changing and you feel like they’re almost done, pop your sourdough in the toaster.
Spread a thick layer of ricotta onto the toast, top with more s&p and a little olive oil. Then, PILE your leeks on top. Be generous!
I recommend eating while you listen to bossa nova.
#4: HAYLA CONTRAST DENIM FROM THE FRANKIE SHOP
I have talked about losing interest in skirts and dresses in this newsletter before (to my 30 Reformation daughters hanging in my closet, maybe I’ll need you for a wedding eventually). I’m just so much more comfortable in baggy bottoms where I’m free to move. I bought these jeans from The Frankie Shop on a whim - I literally purchased them through the Instagram app. I know Gen Z does this all the time, but as someone who missed the cutoff for that generation by a year and four months, it was a big moment for me.
It’s not like I needed more denim, or even more pants, but they just looked perfectly slouchy and the two-toned-ness of it all was a key differentiator.
These are the comfiest jeans I own. I will say, I mostly do not use those weird buttons on the pants that crease/cinch them like they show the model doing on the website. I just let them be baggy and comfortable. Putting them on in the morning has made me feel like I’m ~doing the right thing~ and getting dressed, but they kind of feel like sweatpants so I’m able to still vegetate in peace. Also, I think they’re like…chic, no?
#5: 100 MORNING TREATS BY SARAH KIEFFER
I’ll start off by saying that I’m a cookbook person. I love having them, and I love using them. They’re a great tool - you learn skills you can build upon when you’re freestyling in the kitchen and before you know it you’ve collected enough of those skills to consider yourself a pretty useful home cook. Some though, aren’t written well or engaging enough– it’s really hit or miss. Sarah Kieffer (the brains behind the Vanilla Bean Blog, which you probably have used a recipe from without knowing) is always a hit.
Everything I know about making cookies I learned from her – and if we are friends, you know that I am most comfortable in the kitchen when I am making them. So when I heard she was coming out with 100 Morning Treats, I knew I had to make the investment. I’m not comfortable working with yeast or making pastries, but I do love breakfast food, and above all of that, I really wanted to learn. Her recipes are a master class in basic skills, and she holds your hand through the page the entire time.
What I love about this book is that there are foundational recipes in the back that many of the main recipes draw from (think things like milk bread dough, buttermilk dough, puff pastry, etc.). I’ve become so comfortable making the dough for her cinnamon buns that I already feel like I can add my own twist to them.
Cooking has always been grounding for me, but in the last few months since being laid off, I’ve leaned on it more than I ever have. It’s one of the only things that allows my brain to shut off, stopping the most insidious spiral in its tracks while I make a crunchy topping for my dumplings or pat the inside of a chicken carcass dry. I don’t feel guilty for stepping away from the job search to make myself a meal because I need to eat. It’s the one thing I’ve been able to freely allow myself.
I’m linking through Bookshop so you can help support independent bookstores. But the best thing you can do is take a little walk to your neighborhood one and purchase IRL.
I know this one was a little heavier than usual, but that’s showbiz, baby! I appreciate you being here, and I’m glad I’m in a place where I can show up for you in this space without guilt. See u on the flipside (or Letterboxd).
💖💓💝
Cap
PS: If you know of anyone cool hiring for senior level roles in marketing, brand, social, influencer, etc. HIT ME UP. I’m ur girlie.